Random musings

[msattler]

 Those little steps are so very easy for some of you to propose if you are not the one who has to put one foot in forward of the other in the correct direction.

[msattler]

Oh, I get it now.
YOUR words never cross boundaries, never hurt, never wound another.
Right.

[William]

I need help now.
I think I have made it to stage 1.
 
I admit I have a problem.
This makes me cry a lot.

Now, how do I get to stage 2?

I cannot do it by myself.

I am powerless at this point and I am asking for direction.
I now openly admit that.

You ask in public, I answer in public.

You must understand Mark, that while we, as the community here, have certainly ideas about what you could do in your situation, we are not there with you.
We can only tell you what we think you could do. We can't take you by the hand and drop you off at a place that could help. We only have words.

Yes you made the first step, but the road is very long. And most of it you need to walk alone. Not without friends at your side, hopefully, but you have to do the walking.
We can't carry you.

That said, the main problem as I see it is your alcoholism.
If you can stop reaching for that bottle, you've won.
Most alcoholics I know had to go completely dry.
Most of us will drink too much at times or even far too often. But we know our limits. We know when we've had enough and it's better to stop.
You very obviously don't.

You need a rehab/detox Mark.
You could try the AA - but I somehow doubt that that will be enough, that they can provide you with enough mental strength.
The best would be hands on help - a clinic or something. Go in, don't come out until you're dry.
Now, those things are expensive and I haven't got the faintest idea how the US medical system works.
I'd advise going to the doc and telling him that you have a severe alchol problem. He'll know more about what help is available [as will the AA probably].
You should also tell Lori.
If she sees that you are genuinely trying, she may know what help there is or what help she herself can give.

And the next step in any case should be to take every single bottle of alcoholic beverage you have in the house - even those squirreled away - and pour them down the drain.
If you can't make yourself throw away booze, take the lot and distribute it among your collegues or donate it to some place or other.
But get rid of it.
And don't buy any new.

I know (well not presonally, with alcohol) that it's difficult to do the next step. even more so if there is a depression on top. Just do it. You'll feel betetr afterwards.

Now, this may all seem like 'easier said than done' but as I told you in the beginning, we only have words. You are the one who needs to do somethign and we can only be of very limited help.

I don't think you are past redemption. Not yet. But you need to get a grip on yourself. Only after that you can expect the community to accept you again - and it won't be open arms in many cases. You smashed too much porcelain, alienated too many people. 
It's a long road to get dry, it's an even longer road back into the community after that.
I believe you CAN make it. If you want to. Up to you now.

[William]

And Mark, I and the other people here who have mod buttons will not be tolerating any crap here.
We give you your space here, but only if you stay civil.

[msattler]

Today shall go down as one of the saddest days in my life.  Today the kittyman lost one of his own.
I just got home from work, and for many years, my Squirrel kitty would soon be by my side, paw on my arm, with big eyes beckoning only for the love and attention that she loved to share.   Not tonight.  Never again.
Her body had become too weak to sustain her loving heart and mind, so although it was the hardest decision I believe I have ever had to make, this morning I had to show her the greatest kindness I could grant such a true companion by taking her to the vet and releasing her loving soul to return to God.  From whence it surely came.

My loss cannot be put into words, my grief as well I can hardly describe.  She had been with me almost exactly a third of my life.

Rest in Peace, my dearest Squirrel kitty.
Rest in Peace, Squirrel.  April 12, 1995 - November 12, 2013.

[Mike]

Sorry to hear Mark.

RIP

[William]

18 years... that's a LOT for a cat - RIP Squirrel

You'll see her on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, Mark. Sorry for your loss.

[Claggy]

RIP Squirrel.

Claggy

[msattler]

Thank you, Mike, William, and Claggy.
It's still too soon for the pain to begin to ease but her 3 stepsisters, Tigger II, Bandit, and Purrball are doing their best to comfort me.  The littermate trio is now 12yo.

Meowcry.

[msattler]

I wish to offer you all upon this day, the eve of the Christ child's birth, my heartfelt blessings and good tidings.
For, upon the morrow, all sins are forgiven, and all men and women that shall accept Him shall be saved.

Merry Christmas, my friends.

[msattler]

Please be advised.
It hurts me very much to have to say this.

I shall at this time, have to say that my enthusiasm for this project has been somewhat diminished.
I shall continue to crunch ..............but at times, with less enthusiasm than before.
What that means,  I cannot say just now.
The rigs are strong, my support is no longer.
If one goes down, it my stay so.

I shall continue to support this project, my beloved on, unttil I pass.

Just how much or how fervantly, I cannot say right now.

Pass this on to my Seti frriends and mods.

[msattler]

I am not ashamed of what I am.
I've been about all I can.

My life to you has been rather strange,  I know.

I don't wish you to follow it, my live's path would kill some others.

It has, I suppose, some.

You just have to learn from it what you are able.

I'lll be back when I am allowed.
IT seems this time it shall not be soon.

I am  not very happy about this, or really in agreement.

Fred has said it could be a two month ban.

This is bullshit, even for a repeat offender. 

 If it cointinues that long, I may no longer be here.

I can absorb a few hits.   Many, in fact. I absorb a lot of negative comments.

But not EVERYTHing.  Don't go two monthsa.  Or risk everything, if that's what you are willing to do.

Like I said, I can take a hit.  But not the end all hit.  The term  'perrmaban' has been bandied about by some more ignorant on the Seti forums.

Use it and see what you get.   I assure you, it shall NOT be what you think. 
Meow.

[msattler]

And I assure you, I am quite OK with this timeout.
Might be for my best interests.

I might need to step away for awhile.

My crunching will continue unabated.

Meow for now.

[Pizzadude]

Sorry my friend but somebody needs to tell you straight, that the only bullshit here is you. You run your mouth off on other forums and get banned then you come here and whine about it.  This pattern has been repeated many times over.  You never help people here or post anything positive, you just whine.

[Josef W. Segur]

I see Mark read that criticism before I did, and may have been able to accept it as well meant even though rough. Let me just say that this board is open for discussing almost anything, but a battle is not a discussion in my view.
                                                      Joe