I post this here today because the mods at Seti have chosen to banish me for yet another two weeks.
I am angry beyond words.
What is this extendaban BS?
Anyway...........
PLEASE forgive me for venting here.
I have nowhere else to go.
I have shut down all rigs except this, my daily driver.
When the smoke clears, I may settle down and restart them.
Or not.
EDIT...
I have since restarted them all.
I am better than that, and my screaming like a cat in heat ain't gonna help or change anything.
All back up now.
I thank you all who have remained my friends through all my trials and tribulations.
Meow,
Mark
I suppose many expected my first post back to be........an apology.
Not this time, kids. Not whatsoever. Not ever again.
Never again. You either accept me for what I am or I am gone.
I am a very unique individual, and for what it's worth, ####f, yes, I HAVE expierienced more than you or some others have in their lifetimes.
Not to say that some others have not had some unusual life experiences as well. But, mine seems to have been chock full of them.
I made the mistake, it appears, to have shared them here.
These are things, for whatever reason, I would not even share with my MOTHER.
SHE does not know these thingys.
Did it ever occur to any of you that a few of us are wound so tight that we cannot express ourselves until we are equally wound tight in the other direction?
That's my life. Painfully shy and introverted. Until I drink. And then, years of layers of pain unravel and I start to reveal myself.
Which, it seems, makes the kittyman less appealing.
I placed my trust in the Seti kinship to understand that, and most have for many years.
I actually have come to appreciate and accept 'vote ban' time outs.
They show that the mods know I need a rest. Some times the kitties stare at me and wish me to bed with them.
But this time, it seems I have been peed on rather badly, not by the mods, but by my peers (such as they pretend to be).
Even cat pee has never smelled so bad.
It was hurtful. Very hurtful.
To have some whom I trusted that have questioned my ability to properly do my job, or to question how I can hold a job?
??
Are you simply insane? I am not......yet.
You are talking out of your *******s. Assuming that all that I present at times is your total bank of knowledge.
Let's get this straight, and I assure you, I AM whilst composing this message.
I do NOT drink 24/7. I don't get up every morning and need 'something to take the edge off'.
I bust my butt at work for 40 hours or more a week, and then when my week's work is done......I binge.
Sometimes badly so.
And, it's then that you see my dark side. My real side. I quit pretending that everything is a bed of freaking roses and speak my mind.
I have spent almost 25 percent of my LIFE doing Seti. I know others have too.
I have spent perhaps $40,000.00 or MORE doing Seti during that time. That is a LOW estimate.
Between machine builds and mostly the electricity costs.
I can support that with actual electricity bills, kids.
How many of you who call me down can say that??
I have done more work for the project that only a few other participants on the PLANET.
And you're damned right I consider that to be something to be proud of.
Better than you? It depends on what standards you accept as meaningful.
Crunching contributions? Cash contributions? I have made generous bits of both.
Yeah, I know it was not demanded of me. It was only my OCD thingy.
And, I realize that does not buy me a free pass on the forums.
A bit of special care and handling perhaps.
That's what mods are for.
And you need to know that this post was composed over many days, all sober.
I wanted to be sure that it was not my anger and hurt doing ALL the talking.
If I were, my statements might take a decidedly different tack. And it would get very ugly for some of you.
Best I
Just walk away.....In summary, most of you have deeply wounded the kittyman.
I hope it has made you feel better, supposing you are superior to me, you know it all, and you have the answers to all the problems I have in this life.
Meowsigh, if the saying stays true, what does not kill one, makes one stronger.
I hope my inner self can make it through this one.
If the kittyman does not succumb to his wounds, I suppose he might return some day.
I post this after days of composing it.
If you cannot accept the above statements as true whilst I am sober.........
I can just shut down and save a half a grand a month.
I love the quest, but cannot any longer tolerate the abuse. I know I dish it out, cannot take the responses.
I have seen all your responses in my absence.
That's how I could see your posts about me. I don't know if you realized that or not.
You have to take the kind kittyman with his alter ego at times.
The two are part and parcel.
You cannot take one without the other, and I am about done arguing about it.
Cannot handle it today,
Not today.
