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Sometimes........
msattler:
Describe what you see............
A broken man? An inbicile, a child?
What is it you see in my eyeys, exactley?
msattler:
I thought that perhaps I had healed enough to come out and play on Seti again.
I was wrong. The pain is still too much to get past, and I still hurt too much to be even MY version of 'normal'.
Another 2 week time out is probably a good thing for me right now.......I guess healing takes more time than I had realized.
If anybody would choose to relay these comments into the Cafe, that might help some understand where I am and that I am OK.
Could some kind soul do that for me? Perhaps William has come to understand a little bit of who I am now, and can forgive me enough to do it.
I don't wish anybody to think I have gone totally off of the rails beyond redemption. I have not. I shall not. I can not.
I just need more time, I guess, to grieve and adjust to 'life without Squirrel kitty'. Almost 19 years of Squirrel kitty.
If the saying is true that 'tears make you a stronger man', I should be a titan by now....LOL.
Thank you once again for your tolerance of a weak man who is ruled by his emotions and a slave to his true heart. It is not easy being me at times. But I guess, given the choice, I would not take another path.
"I took the road less traveled, and it has made all the difference."
For my Squirrel kitty...........
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upkYQqbrjSc
msattler:
My feet were o6nce strong and sure, my path well laid out afore me.
Not so sure where I shall wander these days.
Not so sure where the path now leads.
I shall not harm myself, friends, if that is what you fear.
I am quite resigned to living as long as my God deems I should be here.
Meow .
Vyper:
It's a shame what happens. I feel sorry for you but as i can't see what you have written in the forums i can't possibly see what has made people offended actually.
Again i'm sorry for your loss really.. But i also hope that you come to senses and don't overexpress yourself so we can see you in a more "sane" form in our forums.
Take care Mark. Don't punish yourself by the sorrow in the long run now, try to mourn and let go. You will feel like a new person when the time has come.
Kind regards Vyper
msattler:
It's only the MODS that I offended, I think. Questioning their sacred bit about not discussing mod actions on the boards. F that bit. I'll stand up and question God himself if I deem it appropriate. And even HE understands that when I do.
God does not ban me for weeks at a time. He and I have spoken a lot in the last few days since I lost Squirrel. And he listens. And he kisses my tears. And he understands WHY I cry.
Am I less of a man because I go down at the loss of a feline friend? I don't think so. I think it makes me more of a man for admitting it. She was much more to me than most would or could admit.
She was much more to me than a simple cat or pet. She was my child. My own. My loving companion for almost 19 years.
I nursed her for her medical conditions for YEARS, every single day. And when I could do no more, I had to release her from her suffering. And that was an incredibly difficult decision to have to make.
I know I am not the first or only one to have faced these things. But, because I live virtually through the forums, I may have expressed my sorrow more than some. And I am sure some are saying WTF is he going on about? A freaking CAT??? It's just a cat.
No, my friends, she was NOT just a cat. Every day, she sat her beside me. Every day, her big eyes beamed up at me. Every day, she was a guiding light and friend. Which I have now lost and mourn with all my heart.....
If you have even one iota of understanding of this, you will accept it and remain a friend. If you do not, there is no way I could possibly explain it to you, because you lack the basic understanding of the situation to begin with.
Many thanks to those of you who DO understand just a bit.
Time shall pass, tears shall dry, and bad memories shall eventually be replaced with the good ones. In the spring, I might even be inspired to go out to the shelter and rescue another kitty in need of their forever home. There are so many. As God says, when I close a door on you, I always open another for you to find your way.
And, as you have seen, I do not take this lightly. Taking a companion animal into one's heart and home for me is a lifetime commitment. Cradle to grave. That is what it requires and demands.
Of course, in return, your soul is rewarded ten or twenty fold.
Meow, friends.
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